What I learned from Anna Joy

Today marks the 6th month anniversary of Anna Joy's homecoming. This afternoon, I received a beautiful card in the mail with her picture on it. It has been 6 months of sorrow and ache for her family, mixed with joy. I am sure they sometimes feel like the world has gone on without them. And maybe it has. But not without a change.

6 months later, I am still touched by Anna Joy's story and the faith of her family. 6 months later, I am still changed by her presence in this world.

If you haven't read their story, please go to their blog and read about their journey.

I first heard about them the day after they appeared on King 5 and I began reading their blog.  Matt (Anna Joy's dad) and I went to the same church for part of our elementary school years, and then later during college, he worked at Gart Sports with Chris and I.  So I was naturally drawn to the story because of our hometown connection.  But after I started to read their blog, it grew to so much more.

I was changed by Anna Joy's short life. In so many ways.

***

In May of 2011, I lost my father after a 16 year fight with kidney disease, transplanted organs, and heart disease, along with a myriad of other health problems that accompany those diseases. I didn't really know how to grieve.

I expected it to be different because we had lived with his illness and impending death for years. I wasn't emotional when I thought I should be. I held a lot in.

But during the time I followed Anna Joy's story, my heart opened and I began to grieve my father more freely and more honestly than I was capable of before. I still can't explain it, but little sweet Anna Joy provided healing for my loss and taught me how to grieve.

***

Chris and I had the privilege of attending her memorial service. It was beautiful. So many people shared and I was so touched and encouraged by it all. But there were certain things that were said that hit me personally.

The first was from a friend of theirs named Dave. They ended up posting his words on their blog later. Here is an excerpt (read the whole thing here).

​So, if you were God, and you had an “11 day baby” you needed to give to a family who would love her and do everything possible to keep her alive, against all odds, then turn the pregnancy and her 11 days into a prayer-a-thon movement, to whom would you entrust her? Who would accept a deal like this? Not many. But Matt and Alissa Peppley did. God knew He could trust them with Anna Joy, a miracle baby with half a heart, significant problems beyond that, and a 10% chance of survival. 

Basically, God used those words to encourage me. He told me that I am the mother he chose for Kate. As hard as it is to parent a special needs child, as hard as it is to not have any answers or prognoses into her future, God still chose me to be Kate's mom. And if He chose me, He will equip me. This is a daily lesson for me and encourages me when I am struggling.

***

Their pastor, Bill Bowers, also shared something that has not only touched me, but I know has touched many others.  He said,

"It is a tragedy when someone is born with half a heart. But it is even more tragic when someone doesn't live wholeheartedly for God."


Anna Joy taught me that each day of life, even the mundane ones, are precious.  God has given us each day, not to squander, not to waste, but to live.  And He wants us to live proclaiming His glory.  I want to live wholeheartedly for God.  That is my hope.  That is my prayer. That is my calling.

***

The day before the service, I was making something for Alissa and my son Sam, age 5, asked me what I was doing. So I told him the story of Anna Joy.

He pondered that for a few moments and said, "God is mean!"

Does that sound familiar?  How many of us have thought that? Why is God allowing this?

Earlier that month, Sam was telling me I was being mean every time I said no to something. I would try to explain to him that just because I said no, didn't mean that I was being mean. Usually it was because I knew something that he didn't, or I was protecting him. Such a hard lesson for kids to understand.

But the moment Sam said God was mean for taking Anna Joy home to heaven, it hit me. I am a child and I think God is mean when I don't get my way. I don't understand why He took Anna Joy, but just as I ask Sam to trust me that I love him and have his best in mind when I say no, I have to trust the same of God.

***

Listening and reading the words of Matt and Alissa during these past 7 months has been amazing. They are honest and genuine. They are raw. But they are faithful! They always look to God and have pointed so many of us to Him during the time they are despairing.

It was an amazing privilege to be a part of the global support of prayer and encouragement. Never have I been so proud, so thankful to be a part of the family of God, as I was when we surrounded Anna Joy in prayer and love. Our prayers were not in vain. They may have had a different outcome that we all desperately hoped, but God is using them.

***

Matt and Alissa, thank you so much for allowing us to share your baby girl and your journey. I will never be the same. Please know that you are forever a part of me and my prayers. May God continue to hold you during this time.

Anna Joy, I can't wait for the day I get to meet you in heaven and thank you for the lessons you taught me. You may have only been on this earth for 11 days, but precious baby girl, you did more in that time than most can hope to do in a lifetime. I am sure you are dancing with Jesus!

for such a time as this

Today was our last MOPS meeting of the year. I am sad since I will not be returning next year. The reason is that Sam will be in kindergarten and Kate will be in developmental preschool, at two different schools that let out at the same time. Juggling that will be hard enough for me, but add in having to leave MOPS early (after possibly arriving late), and it just wasn't going to work for me. At least not in any emotionally healthy way.

I have been reflecting on what MOPS has done for me over these past 5 years. Each year, I see God's hand in how the tables were assigned.  Each year, He gave me something, whether it be something I learned, a new friendship, or support in areas I needed.  Most years, it was all of those things.

Today was a special day and I got to visit with a lot of people.  Looking around the room, there were so many fun memories with different people.  There are friendships I know will continue no matter where life takes us. And there were so many people that I haven't had the opportunity to get to know.  I am sad that I may not get that chance.

I was also reflecting on the gifts God has given me personally and I believe that those gifts worked great serving within MOPS leadership.  Realizing that, it made me even more sad that I am leaving and not able to serve next year.

At the very end, Kristina shared a little about how God has worked this year in her life. The verse she quoted was from Esther 4:14, for such a time as this. and God spoke to me in that still small voice He uses. "Heather, are you listening? You don't have to worry. Yes, this place has meant so much to you. Yes, you were able to use the gifts I gave you here and bless others. But it was for such a time as this. and next year, it is another time with another purpose."

Isn't God good? He always encourages me, always loves me. While I am leaving MOPS leadership with a longing to continue, I am also confident that God is leading me. I leave with an incredibly thankful heart for the lessons I learned, the friendships I made, and the fun I had!

And I look forward to fun times this summer at MOPS in the park. And hope that I get to know even more of the amazing women in MOPS.

Kate Update

A picture of a beautifully NORMAL brain.

No bleeds.

No abnormalities.

No tumors.

Praise God!  We are so thankful that everything went well.

The next step is our genetics appointment.  Based on the appointment we had today, most likely the genetics appointment will not shed any new light on Kate's condition.  So we are probably not going to get any answers at this time as to what is causing her delays, or what her prognosis is long-term.

We'll just be proceeding as we have with therapy and close monitoring.

Thanks for your support!

Kate is late.

Kate has many delays.  In her short little life, she has had some type of a struggle all the time.

First there was the colic and a few small other things. Then came her eyesight. And at her 9 month appointment, we were told that she had some delays that needed further testing. In addition, she has always been below the curve for all of her stats.  She has always followed the curve, but been below.  The concern for that has been primarily her head size.  She has a small head.  Not one you can notice, since it is proportionate to the rest of her body.  But since developmental delays and a small head together can equal a variety of syndromes, problems, etc. it has remained a concern. (Oh, and the rest of us in her family have big heads.  So that doesn't explain it.)

So for the past 13 months we have been undergoing therapy and tests. We have at least one appointment per week.

She has seen a nutritionist, a occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and now a physical therapist.  She has had hearing tests (normal), genetics testing (results still to be explained to us - she has a chromosome gain of unknown clinical significance - appointment with genetics is in August), and of course the developmental tests.

Currently, Kate is a 10-14 month old in all areas of development.  She is one month shy of 2 years and is just now starting to pull herself up to stand.  She will walk with our hands, but is yet to stand by herself or take any steps.  She has said a few words, but then stops.  She has a few signs, but is currently not using them.  She mainly screams and grunts to communicate.

Tomorrow, she has to have a brain MRI under general anesthesia.  They are looking for a brain bleed, brain damage, or a brain tumor.  They do not suspect it is a tumor since her head is small.  If it is a brain bleed or damage of some form, than most likely that is the cause of her delays.  Unfortunately, there are no treatments for that.  Kindly, the amazing Children's Hospital schedules the results appointment later the same day, so we don't have to wait for answers.

But in all of this, she is happy and content.  She has the sweetest smile and the most contagious giggle.  She lights up a room with her curls and her 4-eyed cuteness.

We love her and hope that the delays are temporary.  But we also know that if they aren't, God is with us and has a wonderful plan for our lives and hers.

So even though Kate is late, she is great!

Dear Blog,

I am so very sorry for ignoring you for so long.  It is not that I don't think of you.  I do almost every day.  I have countless ideas for posts in my head, but I have been lazy.  I hope you can forgive me.

So, what's new?  Oh yea, you are a blog and you only have something new if I do my job.  Sorry once again.

Me?!  Thanks for asking.

I have been all over the map, both literally and figuratively.

Since my last post, I have been with my family and our dear friends, the Stannerts, on a road trip down the coast to the Redwoods.  Beautiful and so much fun.  Then we just returned less than a week ago from our Annual Hanson Family Vacation in Sunriver, OR - #13 this year and the first without my dad.  Bittersweet, but a wonderful time as well.

During the rest of the time, we have been busy with life.

Swim lessons...
Therapy appointments...
Doctors appointments...
Dentist appointments...
Play dates...
Yard work...
House work...

Back to the map, I have been all over the place emotionally.  Not surprising for what I am going through, but hard nonetheless.  I have wanted desperately to journal, to document all that happened with my dad and the following weeks - so very special and I don't want to forget it.  I want to journal all that is going on with Kate and her developmental delays and the strain that I am under.  I want to document our trips and all those memories.  I want to write down all the funny things Sam says.

Yet, here I sit.  I have read at least 11 novels since my dad died.  Watched a lot of tv, some good (loved the ending of this season of Bones!), some boring.  I have barely picked up my Bible, just read and reread some of my favorite verses.  I have hardly crafted or done any of the fun summer activities I looked so forward to.  I have slept more and wished that I could sleep even more.

Overall, I think I am numb and just want to escape.  So I let myself here and there.  And now, I am trying to do more.  The escaping is starting to bring me down.  So I am blogging.  Today I even finished a craft project that has been sitting around for years.  One that didn't require too much thought, just busy work (as I rewatched the Bones finale during the kids' naptime). I read a cheesy devotional instead of just a verse.  I finished some laundry and got the house clean before the therapist came by.

It's a start.

My Family Tribute

It was an honor that my siblings and I all got to speak at my dad's funeral.  We were able to share what we wanted others to hear about dad and this journey, and to testify to God's goodness to us all through it.  The following is what I shared:

*****

A while back, I was confused and sad about another setback in Dad's health, when I started reflecting on the first time we almost lost him.  It was almost 16 years ago, the day after his first transplant.

He had to be rushed back into surgery because he was bleeding internally.  After worried hours that were covered in prayer by so many, we received news from the operating room that they couldn't find the source of bleeding and that it had miraculously stopped.

Through that memory, God gently reminded me of all the wonderful things that my dad had been able to participate in since that first time that He saved his life.

Here are some highlights that he was able to share with us:

* Ryan Jay graduating from high school

* All three kids graduating from college

* All three kids marrying wonderful spouses

* 6 precious grandchildren

* 12 Annual Hanson family vacations - wonderful times together at the beach, camping, or in Sunriver

* A 30th anniversary trip with my mom to Southern Utah

* Times with family and friends

* 15 Christmas celebrations

* Many more holiday meals and festivities

* Time at their cabin with family

* Countless conversations with hundreds of medical personnel

* Sharing with the world the lessons that he was put here to teach: A chance to honor God everyday through his faith in action.  Quiet acceptance of his medical conditions without complaint. Joy at life, no matter how hard life is.  Honesty.  Integrity.  Respect.  Love.

For these and so many reasons, I am so incredibly thankful.  I am proud to call him Daddy.

A quote by Clarence Kelland says, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

We watched my dad and as such, we know what he would want.  He was always a team player, and he would want to make sure that the rest of his team was thanked during this celebration of his life.  He was able to live well because he was a part of an amazing team.

First of all, his family.

Mom, you walked with him every step, showing us strength and perseverance, and most of all love in the highest form: as a servant.  Your commitment to Dad is beautiful - the way God designed the marriage partnership to be.  Thank You.

To his kids, their spouses, and grandkids: you gave him joy, support, love, and most of all, a reason to keep on fighting.  Thank You.

To his family and friends: laughter, great memories, support, meals, help.  Thank You.

To his coworkers throughout the years: you supported his need for treatment and often had to pinch hit for Dad while he was receiving that treatment.  Thank You.

To the anonymous donor whose family saw the opportunity in their grief to give life.  Thank You.

To his younger sister Marlys, who donated her kidney, so that he could have longer life with more quality.  Thank You.

To all the medical personnel.  Doctors, nurses, aides.  DaVita Dialysis Center.  St. Luke's Meridian.  St. Al's Nampa.  LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City.  You provided him excellent care through the years that gave us more time with him.  You showed him respect and helped him to have dignity up to his final moments.  You guided us gently through tough decisions and harsh reality.  Thank You.

And finally to Dad's coach: his Lord & Savior.  Thank you for giving us time with Dad.  Thank you for providing him strength.  Thank you for taking care of us.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Dad's Obituary

Rodney Allen Hanson finished his good fight and entered his reward May 7, 2011, surrounded by family. His fight was long but his life was defined by his faith and tenacity, rather than his illness.

He was born on October 2, 1949 to Arnold and Gladys Hanson in Minot, North Dakota. He was brought up on a dairy and grain farm and raised pigs and hogs for 4-H. While in high school he played baseball, basketball, and track. He was valedictorian of Montpelier High School in 1967. Rod graduated from NNC in 1971 with a history teaching degree. During his senior year he was included in the Who's Who for Colleges and Universities.

On October 2nd, 1971, he married his college sweetheart, Kathleen Howard. Together they raised three children Heather, Whitney, and Ryan.

Rod began his teaching career in Nampa at South Junior High School. He had a memory for his students and would often be able to address them by name years after having them in class. Even during his illness and retirement, he would see someone in a restaurant and share when he had taught that student, their siblings, or their parents and even who they were dating when he taught them. During his teaching years, he enjoyed coaching multiple sports and refereeing hundreds of basketball games. His summer vacations were filled with Little League coaching. He was a gracious winner and a gracious loser and held both his students and his own children to those standards, regardless if the game was basketball or Monopoly.

His career led into administration both in Minidoka County and at South Middle School in Nampa. Twenty nine years of his educational career were spent in the Nampa School district. The support of the district throughout his increasing medical issues remains a source of comfort for his family. Rod endured countless medical issues stemming from diabetes and kidney failure. Over the course of several years, he was a recipient of two separate organ transplants which extended his life and health; gracious gifts from an anonymous donor and his younger sister Marlys.

From his hospital bed he began to teach his most important lessons- a deep love of life, fortitude, and faith. He treated his nurses much the way he'd treated his students; with grace, respect, and an incredible memory for their names and activities. Always the consummate gentleman, Rod would never forget a thank you- even while being poked and prodded. His strength and perseverance for the last 17 years of his life served as an inspiration for those around him.

The last years of his life included an annual family vacation. Each summer, the family would travel together, enjoying a week at the beach or another destination. On these trips, Rod reveled (in his quiet way) playing games, sightseeing, and watching his grandkids play.

As his health declined, limiting his ability to work and play, it did not limit his ability to love, nor did it diminish his wry sense of humor or his tenacity. He earned a nickname, "The Comeback Kid" for always defying the odds given to him.

Rod is survived by his loving wife of almost forty years, Kathleen. Their marriage is a testament of faithfulness, abiding love, and deep respect.

He is also survived by his three children, all of whom are proud to call him Dad. Heather (Christopher) Osborn and their children Samuel and Kate; Whitney (Ryan) Ward and their children Dexter and Adeline; and Ryan (Jessica) Hanson and their children Robert and Elizabeth. Other surviving family members include his mother, Gladys, and his siblings Ken (Joni) Hanson and Marlys (Bob) Roseberry and in-laws: Bob (Jocelyn) Howard; Judy (Norm) Hall; and Mike (Vicki) Howard along with numerous neices, nephews, and cousins.

Rod was preceded in death by his father, Arnold Hanson; his in-laws Robert and Virla Howard; and his brother in-law, Gary Lantz.

The family wishes to express its thanks to hundreds of people. Doctors, nurses, DaVita Dialysis Center, and the hospital staff at St. Luke's Meridian, and LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City. The care he'd received for so many years was exemplified by the paramedics and Emergency staff at St. Al's, Nampa who gently guided us through Rod's final hours. College Church of the Nazarene repeatedly cared for the family. Countless friends who visited in the hospitals. An anonymous donor whose family saw the opportunity in their grief to give and to Marlys, who gave the gift of life.
It is fitting that on his last day, Rod was able to donate his corneas - thus passing on the gift of life he received.

A memorial service will be held May 14th, 2011 at College Church of the Nazarene at 10:00am. The public viewing will be Thursday, May 12 from 6 to 8pm at Alsip & Persons Funeral Chapel, 404 10th Ave S, Nampa, 466-3545.

The family suggests memorial contributions be made to the National Kidney Foundation atwww.kidney.org. We also encourage you to consider the gift of organ donation.

Condolences and memories may be shared with the family at www.alsipfuneralchapel.com. 
2nd Timothy 4:7-8, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge will award to me on this day..."