Memorial Day Weekend

Here are the highs and lows of my weekend:

Low: Having a nasty cold that kept me home from our plans of going camping with friends. This was a bummer since it is the only time we could go camping with them this year. The only good thing about this cold is it made me slow down and rest a little - plus it gave me an excuse to wallow a bit.

High: Spending time with my two guys relaxing. Chris has been building this really cool play structure for Sam - a boat - in our small backyard. On Saturday afternoon, we started priming it. It was a nice, relaxing day doing a fun project UNTIL...

Low: Sam had been acting tired and had curled up on my lap while I was sitting down watching Chris work on the boat. All of a sudden, Sam started seizing. Yes, seizing is what I said. Chris rushed him into the house and I called 911. It was incredibly scary. I kept going in and out of the room because the sight of Sam was making me panic. Chris was great under pressure - Sam stopped seizing but wasn't really responding - he started turning blue and foaming a little at the mouth. While waiting for the aide car to arrive, we switched places. Sam had calmed down and was just staring at me. We were so scared - all these horrible thoughts flash before you and you just start begging God. The fire department medics showed up to help and gave him a little oxygen and gave Chris & I a lot of reassurance and comfort. Once Sam would unlock his jaws, they had us give him infant tylenol to reduce the fever. Sam still wasn't talking, but he would look at the firemen when they would talk to him. We took him outside to see the fire truck before they left, but he just would curl up against Chris (completely uncharacteristic for him). He still wasn't talking which was scary - we were concerned that there was brain damage. Well, praise God, it turned out to be a febrile seizure - which is basically a seizure caused by a fever flaring quickly. Only 4% of children have them and most only have them once. There is no risk of permanent damage with these types of seizures. As far as his chances of having them again - who knows. We just have to wait and see.

High: Our son being OK! One hour after the seizure, he was back to himself - Lil' Mr. Chatterbox.

High: Starting some house projects - cleaning out the garage, should we have a yard sale? Setting up baby girl's crib.

Low: Feeling good enough to start a project and then the cold flaring up again so my projects are undone and my house is a mess.

High: Getting some scrapbooking time while home alone. That is right - I had the luxury of being home alone TWICE this weekend. Sam's aunt, Jean, took him for a bit on Friday so I could rest since I was sick. Resting for me that day meant doing something creative for myself. Then Monday, Chris took Sam fishing for a little while. So I rested again and scrapbooked. It was wonderful! I guess I needed that physical and mental space with everything going on because it was refreshing to be alone - most of the time I had it quiet - no music, no TV, no nothing. Just silence.

Overall, a fair weekend. I know that I have to live in the moment more and life right now is full of disappointments and enjoyments all jumbled together.

Sorrow and Joy

I have been avoiding blogging lately. I feel that I can't start again without addressing the big topic that has been going on, but it is hard to attempt to try and put any feelings down on my computer. It has been hard enough to talk with family and friends and my counselor about it, let alone putting the thoughts down on my blognal. I always am disappointed at how my words written down are never what they are in my head, but I feel I must get them down anyway.

I have probably one of the biggest blessings in my lifetime to look forward to this year, along with the hardest thing I've had to face. So I am anticipating a lot of sorrow and a lot of joy coming soon and I just don't know how to begin processing it.

The big blessing is easy to talk about - the birth of our second child - our precious baby girl. We feel so incredibly blessed and excited about meeting her and seeing how our little family will change with her arrival.

The thing that is hard to talk about is my father. I was recently in Idaho for joyful occasions - both my brother and SIL graduated from college and I got to celebrate my sweet niece's 1 year birthday. But there was overwhelming sorrow that accompanied these festivities. While I was there and my dad was in yet another of his hospitalizations, we were given some sad news. His doctors (depending on which one you ask) are projecting 3-6 months left for him to live. He has soldiered on for so many, many years with all his health problems and has always defied our expectations and fears. I call him The Comeback Kid.

But it seems that even The Comeback Kid can't comeback forever. His heart is weak and even on the most medication they can give him to increase his blood pressure, it is not responding enough. So the doctors say there is nothing left medically they can do for his heart and that his time left with us is short. He struggles with repeated infections that they have a difficult time controlling. The latest casualty has been the vision in his left eye. A rare eye infection just caused his retina to detach and so he will not be able to regain that vision.

Sometimes I feel so selfish when I get sad at the time I have left with him, since we have had over a decade longer with him that we thought at times. He has come so close to death so many times, that it is hard to fathom that he won't overcome this as well.

His main goal right now is to make it to the birth of our baby girl. I was so blessed by the time that he had with Samuel this last visit, so blessed that they have been able to have a relationship since there was a time I didn't think my dad would ever be able to meet any of my children. And now I have wonderful memories and hope that Sam's memories of Papa will last. My thoughts are often with my friends that have lost a parent before their precious one(s) were born and I am again so thankful for the time I've had with him.

I am scared, apprehensive, worried, and depressed. All at the same time that I am hopeful, happy, and so very thankful for my family.

Sorrow & Joy - that is the closest I can get to describing the mixture of emotions that are my constant companion right now. And even they fall short.

Catch-up for the catch-up

OK, since my memory is so poor these days with the pregnancy and it is not guaranteed to return, I have to post a couple of the stories of Sam that I forgot earlier, before I forget again. Sometimes I think it is a blessing that I don't have to work simply because I don't know if my brain could keep up with my old job. Ahhh well, I guess the difficulties are worth the benefits of the little cuties. (most days...)

Here are the stories I forgot:

* One evening when I was working and Amber was watching Sam, she had me over for dinner since Chris was out of town. As we were sitting chatting around the table, the boys had moved into the living room to play. This was the conversation we overheard:

Gus: Mine! (waving his squirt gun). He was telling Sam about it but we couldn't hear everything.

Sam: (just watching Gus talk). What - EVER Gus!

Ha,ha. I looked at Drew and asked her where she thought Sam might have learned that - she giggled! SO funny!

* Sam is always saying to me, "Mom, will you do me a favor?" I say, "Sure. What?" And he just usually looks at me and smiles and then 1/2 a minute later asks me again. He obviously has heard me or Chris say that and likes to repeat it to start a conversation, but doesn't quite grasp the fact that something is supposed to follow the question. This morning, he had got into bed with me and he probably asked me that question 20 times.