And then my pregnancy symptoms hit and now I feel I am in a Season of Survival. The past 2+ months, I have not been able to work on my "issues", or really do much reflection or study at all. I am not complaining, because I am very thankful for the reason behind it, but I do wonder if now that I am feeling better, God will allow me to pick up where I left off, or if I will be back into that particular rut. And to top it all off, the last couple weeks I have become so obviously aware of yet another area that seriously needs to be surrendered to Him. Talk about overwhelming...
I want 2009 to not only be a Year of Celebration for my family with our newest addition, but to be a Year of Celebration for me spiritually where I can look back and see how I gave up said areas and submitted them to God, resulting in a deeper relationship with Him and a step toward maturity. But that darn sniper is sending his barrage of doubt bullets my way and telling me that God doesn't really want me to change, or that I am not ready to change, or that I can never change. I guess I need to pick up my armor again and get ready for battle.
For my readers - you can comment and share on this - or just reflect by yourself. What season are you in?
7 comments:
I'm calling you so we can just chat about this...
Heather,
I am glad that God has brought you so far. Don't get discouraged that you still have so far to go... no matter how far we get in our walk with God we can always relapse or jump into our old habits...that is why we are sinners saved by grace and not just perfect...
I've been struggling with issues that seem to keep creeping up too. These issues I've been struggling with for almost forever.
I have major confidence issues...lack of follow through...part of the lack of confidence is brought on by my coommunication skills...I'll forget stuff...I forget appointments...I will be in a conversation and completly forget what I was going to say...and it is during important conversations...I've forgotten that an outlet is called an outlet... I mix up words...saying duptalk instead of duck tape... etc... It makes me feel really stupid.
Along the same lines really my brain thinks so fast that I never do anything all the way...I do bits and peices of alot of things... this is a huge struggle in my marriage because I'll start the laundry and not finish. I'll start the kitchen and not finish...because I keep thinking about what I could do and never actually do anything. Then I get discouraged and think I am a complete idiot.
I also struggle with "comfort" foods... and turning to food instead of God for comfort...
Fear is huge too...I over analyze things in my head to the point where I don't call alot of people and I don't keep up with relationships because I am afraid that I'm bugging people...or afraid they think I'm an idiot...which is really an extension of the communication skills and follow through.
I have alot of shame.
Then there is the not having a baby yet and wanting one sooo much that I drive my husband crazy :)
Whatever your issues are Heather know that everyone has them...don't be discouraged...just take it one day at a time...the fact you want to work on your issues is HUGE...I know I don't always want to work on mine...I want to hide under a blanket in a corner sometimes... it feels easier then facing the issues head on...because healing hurts first.
Oh and I can't remember the reference cuz I'm super tired but..."He who has begun a work in you will complete it..."
great topic. we have been a season of "re-construction" I feel like god is tearing down our old foundation and building a new one for the seasons ahead. a foundation that is solid for my relationship with kami. a foundation for our famliy and a foundation that is based upon dependedence of God.
Heather, praying for you and appreciating your realness. I so appreciate our friendship and the many ways you are a blessing to me. The number one lie I find myself struggling not to believe is that God won't change me. I believe He can do anything, and I believe He is loving, and I believe He wants His kids to grow in sanctification, but somewhere my logic breaks down and I struggle to believe that He can, wants to, and will do that for me. I am realizing that I am weaker and more sinful than I ever realized. Yet, I am also gradually seeing (especially as I read the Word) that God is more loving and more powerful than I ever realized. Jude 1:24 "Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, 25 to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Been chewing on this question since you posted......a few different seasons for me this past year. Season of Motherhood...really getting into the nitty gritty of parenting...discipling, growing, changing as my kiddos change, season of learning about who I am in Christ..what that really means, renewing my mind in the areas that are stricken with falsehood and lies...Season of change...my comfort zones, being vulnerable with the Lord. Probably more to share....still thinking..still thinking.
P.S. Sorry for all the ...... I'm addicted to them.
I'm addicted to . . . too. I use them sometimes when I'm not quite sure how to transition my grammar :)
you2me2 on the ... girls! I love em...
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