Band-Aid

My dad is slipping away. He has been for some time now, but this time feels different. It is hard to really believe that it might actually happen since he has always been the Comeback Kid. And he is still fighting - we just don't know how much longer he can continue.

The anticipation of what is to come is daunting. I feel scared, anxious, and conflicted. How long will he live? Will I get to see him again? What will it be like when he dies? Where will he be? Will he be in pain or at peace? Who will be with him? How will we all be without him? How will I feel?

I feel like it is a band-aid. Part of me wants to rip it off fast - to get the pain over with and not have the anticipation lurking. But then when I think about what that actually means, I want to take the band-aid off as slowly as I can so that I minimize the pain and lengthen the time.

I don't know how people do this without Christ. I can have hope that no matter how hard, no matter how long, no matter how sad - He is with me. He is with my dad who will go to be with Him in heaven. He will continue to bring good out of the years that my dad has been suffering physically. Someday we will get to see the front of the grand tapestry and understand what part this struggle has played in it. I am so thankful to be a daughter of the King.