You see, I've been a bit overwhelmed by everything going on in my life. My father's health. My baby. The details of my upcoming labor. The status of my "nesting" projects. The fun things I want to do with Sam this summer. My increasing fatigue and inability to move due to the giant bowling ball that is growing within my abdomen.
I've been overwhelmed because I have no control over many of those things. I can't control how much longer my father has with us here on earth or the time frame and circumstances surrounding his death. I can't control whether my baby is healthy or not. I can't control when I will go into labor. I can't control if my water will break first again and if so, where will I be when it happens. I can't control the amount of hours in the day. And while I can take measures to help, I can't ultimately control how I will feel in any given day. I can't control if I will struggle with post-partum depression again. I can't control most things in my life right now.
And so, I've been left feeling confused and frustrated about my lack of control. My inability to figure out what decision is "right" for me. My inability to have everything fit into a plan. My difficulty making decisions since there are so many unknowns in the equation.
I realized this morning that I am spinning my wheels trying to determine the "right" answer, when in reality, there is no "right" answer for many of the decisions facing me. Each potential choice I make will not be perfect - there will be aspects I struggle with. So instead of trying to figure out the right one, I need make informed choices and be prepared for the aspects that are potentially negative.
And for those things that I just simply can't know or control until they happen, I need to remember that I believe in the Creator of this Universe, who is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. I may not know, but He does and He has promised to be with me through it all.
Simply put, I have not been seeking God for guidance or trusting Him to be in the details. I am spending my time and energy worrying - which is sinful. And that is the big DUH moment. I consistently find myself back at this point where I've put aside truth for what ifs and God for my own internal musings.
Lord, thank you for that realization this morning. Please help me seek YOU and not feel like a victim to everything surrounding me. I am in your hands, please help me to trust your good, perfect and pleasing will.
I received a bible verse text this morning (thanks to Scott N. for sending them and to Amber M. for getting me on his list). At first, I didn't put the two together, but as I am writing this, the verse is a good one for me to be reflecting on right now.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you...and to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
8 comments:
I too get caught up in the illusion of control... I feel together as long as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. For some reason giving things over to God is scarier in my mind then driving the ship myself...why is that?
I am so glad you shared. I just prayed for you and will pray for you whenever I remember you that you will be able to relinquish the controls of your ship to Christ daily even when things are easy, and especially when they are difficult.
May God bless you Heather today as you seek Christ. May you experience joy you thought was not possible during the midst of your current storms.
Thank You Heather for loving me through my journey of infertility. I am very blessed by you. Thank you so so much!
Oh, man... definitely a good reminder! God can even use "duh" moments to help others! =)
I'm back to make my comment :)
I say we call it an AHA moment!!!
I to, so often fret and stress trying to figure things out when suddenly in dawns on me that God has got it all under control.
But seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Matthew 6:33-34
Love you
Thanks for your honesty! I think control is such a normal thing... I'm praying for your continued realization.
Amen.
We all get "caught up" in the moments of trying to control the day.
But Jesus smiles at us, He dances over us. Let's dance along with him and enjoy Him instead of trying to please Him. The truth is He IS PLEASED.
Today let us remember we are "little girls running bare foot" around our Savior.
Rejoicing with Jesus along with you Heather.
thanks for sharing that heather.
God delights in our imperfections. It is through them that his strength and grace come into play. How hard it would be to present an enticing view of ur Lord if we were perfect by ourselves.
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