Where I left off with my previous post, I was pretty freaked out about this whole thing.
You see during SFL that night, the sniper was hitting me right and left. All my old insecurities about not knowing when I became a believer arose and I started to question my standing with Christ. Have I really accepted Him? Have I ever truly submitted to His Lordship?
Those insecurities were compounded by my "spiritual amnesia". I felt paralyzed by my inability to remember anything in my past with God.
But as the next couple of days unfolded, I began to spend more and more time reflecting on what Lordship meant to me now that I have learned so much more about God and my relationship with Him through this course. I felt that He was telling me not to worry about the past, but to examine myself now and decide whether I would submit to His Lordship today.
While I still think I will continue to wrestle with what that exactly means, I can say confidently that I want to submit to Christ's Lordship. I know that He gives life and that without His presence, my life ceases to mean anything. So as scary as it might be, I want to submit to Him.
Once I'd rested in that fact and the realization that my past wasn't as important to my relationship with Him as the present and the future, He started to give me bits and pieces of my past walk with Him, encouraging me with times in my life in which I reached another crossroad and I had the choice to submit or walk away. Thankfully, He has helped me to submit then and I am counting on Him to help me to submit going forward.
Since then, I have struggled with some issues and I found myself standing at more crossroads saying, OK. I have submitted to You. But now there is a new piece of information in my life, something that is worrisome and I am scared. Will I trust You now?
I have learned that it is a step by step thing. I will struggle to allow Him to be Lord over my everything the rest of my life. It is not something I will accomplish now and forevermore because life will have new obstacles, new twists and turns that must be dealt with.
My hope is in Him and even though I will fail, I need to hold onto that.
2 comments:
One day, one moment at a time girl.
Love seeing God use this class to impact you so much.
I am so grateful that you can recognize these doubts as sniper bullets! You have the Spirit of Christ in you, and I have seen this firsthand in your love for your fellow sisters in the body of Christ and in your sincere, humble, vulnerable, persistent hunger for Christ! You are His!!!! He will be faithful to complete what He started in you! Joining you through prayer in battle against those sniper's attacks, dear sister!
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