reCreation

Our last week in the SFL class was about reCreation - God's story coming full circle.

We midrashed those following passages:

1 Peter 1:13

Hebrews 11: 8-10, 11:39-12:2, 12:18, 22-29

Revelation 21:1-5, 22:1-5

I have never been one to really think too much about heaven or the 2nd coming.  Truthfully, I'd rather not.  I am too focused on this world and what I want from it.  I've thought in the past that if heaven meant my relationships would be different than on earth (like my marriage), then why do I want to go there?  Obviously I want to go there after I die, but I just don't want to think about dying.

I'd posted a while back the lyrics to a new Jeremy Camp song that my sister had shared with me called, There will be a day.  The song talks about the glories awaiting us in heaven.  When I was listening to that song, I thought of an analogy that I was reminded of in our SFL discussion.  Many of us are nearsighted.  We can only see things that are close to us, don't really think about heaven or when Christ returns.  Then there are others that are farsighted.  These are the people who can be obsessed with the End Times, or heaven, and often lose sight of what God has for them here.  Since God is restoring us continually, I believe that one of those things is to have our vision restored where we see 20/20.  If we are truly seeing 20/20, then we can live here in the moment doing the work we are supposed to, but still keeping our eyes on what we have to await us.

According to the passages we midrashed, I think that being able to see what awaits us is one of the ways that God gives us hope in the midst of the broken world we live in.  The end of God's story is so important.  Like any good epic story, everything comes together - good triumphs in ways that we can not even fathom and we will be so incredibly blessed for all eternity.  But I never even think about that.

The passage in 1 Peter says to set our hope fully on the grace to be given us when Christ is revealed.  There are two aspects to that that I was challenged by.  The first is - what is my hope set on?  Truthfully, it is set on the desires I have for this world.  The second is the word fully - not just partially, but fully on that hope.

All in all, SFL was an incredible class that I learned a lot from and challenged me in ways I'd never been before.  I'm looking forward to taking it again this coming year (it will start in February for anyone who is interested).   Several of the people that have taken it more than once have shared with me, that each time they learn more and grow deeper in their beliefs.

Kingdom of God

SFL Week #9 was on the Kingdom of God.  We read the following passages:

Mark 1:14-15

Matthew 6:9-10, 25, 33

Luke 17:20-21

Matthew 13:31-33

Luke 19:11-27

Matthew 28:16-20

The goals laid out at the beginning of the midrash were to understand what the Kingdom of God is, how it works, how it spreads, and what our role is in it.

This was a pretty revealing week for me.  I guess I either never heard it this way, or didn't understand it before, but I always thought of the Kingdom of God as being after Jesus returns.  I didn't understand that part of the Kingdom of God is here and present in the lives of believers.  The Kingdom will be fully restored after Jesus returns, but we do have a part of that here with us now.

I think that is pretty cool.  While I struggle with looking at myself as part of that, Luke 17:20-21, helped make it clearer to me.  Like the last few weeks, I feel like I have just scratched the surface and have more questions than answers, so I am looking forward to learning more both in my own life and in taking SFL again.

The questions we asked ourselves for our training groups were:

* Have you ever seen the Kingdom?

* Are you seeking the Kingdom?

* Are you seeking it first?

* What does this mean for you?

* What is your Kingdom destiny?

* What are you doing to accomplish (or find) your Kingdom destiny?

The main thing I am reflecting on after that night is Matthew 6:33.  I always interpreted this verse to mean, am I seeking God first?  Now, this may seem like semantics to you, but in understanding that I am to seek God's Kingdom first, reveals more to me than my previous understanding.  Bundled in that was the realization that I was seeking God, but not necessarily His kingdom.  That reflects my tendency to want my own story, not God's.  It seems like through all the lessons that I have been learning, that is the primary one.

I currently want my own story, not God's.

A part of me wants that to change, but it will take growing my belief and faith in order to overcome the part of me that just wants to write it my way and have God be my magical genie to fulfill those things I can't control.

Like Mother, Like Son

Sam and I have been able to check out this music class the past two weeks thanks to our friend Cheri.  After signing a few songs, the teacher passes out sticks and the kids and moms get to sing and bang sticks for a few minutes.  Then they hand them back into a basket.  She later passes out bells and the routine continues.  Later on, there is a music free for all.  She gets out different baskets filled with a variety of different instruments and the kids get to play whatever they want for about fifteen minutes.  

As Sam was digging through the baskets, he came across some drum sticks.  Rather than playing with them, he walked over to the teacher's table and tried to put them away in the stick basket.  This happened twice.  A few minutes later, he discovered some bells and also tried to put them away in the bell basket.

That's MY boy!

The Church

I've found that the farther in the Story-Formed Life class I go, the more difficult it is for me to really understand how to react and respond to the lesson/revelation.  The first few weeks were much easier for me - on an emotional level and on an intellectual level.   So I must admit that I've been avoiding posting on The Church for several weeks now because I am just not sure what I think and feel about it and where God is leading me to change in this area.

So I've decided I am going to cop out and just give the biblical references we discussed.  If you are interested, you can read the passages and then answer the question provided.  I will most likely post on this topic in the future, but right now I am still thinking, researching, and praying about it.

Mark 10:28-30

Acts 2:42-47

1 Corinthians 12:18-26

Ephesians 4:11-16

1 Corinthians 14:1, 26

Are you part of a Body (as defined by the New Testament)?

Like Father, Like Son

Two minutes ago...

Sam grabs a magazine, sticks it under his arm, and announces he's off to go poopoo!

Priceless.

Continuation

I have been thinking a lot about my previous blog and finally connected some dots...my lack of belief that God will give me good things is a direct result of my lack of belief in his creation.   In a previous post, I shared how I learned that Creation is about God's Story, not my own, but that I struggled to really believe that.  My current struggles are further evidence that I need to expand my belief that I am here for God's Glory, not just to realize my dreams.

Once again that feels freeing to me because I have identified the problem and I can continue on in my journey.  One amazing thing that gives me encouragement is that I am starting to understand and believe that God desires relationship with me.  And if I believe that, what better gift to be given, than a relationship with the Creator of the world?  How then, can I doubt that He wants to give me good things?!

Break

I've been on a break.  Not just a blogging break, but a break from really connecting with God & myself lately.  I've also been disconnected from friends.

I'm not really sure why this happens in my life, but it does every few months or so.  I just check out and struggle to check back in.  It is hard for me to focus and think about things, which makes it hard to pray, to read, to blog, etc.

I had a counseling session yesterday.  I completely forgot about it until late morning and by then it was too late to cancel.  I didn't really think I needed to meet with her - there was no pressing emotion, problem, or situation that I felt I needed to discuss.  But as always, those tend to be some of my best sessions with her.  Where we can get past some of the urgent items and dig a little deeper into some of my junk.

One of the things that I realized during my session, is that while I believe God to be good (at least on the surface I do), I do not believe that He wants to give me good things.  I almost have a superstitious view toward my life.  For instance, I don't believe He wants to bless me with another child right now.  I think that He must want me to struggle through another long bout of infertility or possible adoption, before maybe giving me another child.  I don't think He wants to heal my Dad, or that He really cares that I would love to have a house of my own again.

As a result, I feel selfish asking for things and often don't, because I am scared that if I ask and He sees that I want something, then He will deny it.  I often feel that my behavior dictates His blessings and so the very fact that I struggle with trusting Him for another child will negate any possibility of Him giving me one.

Isn't that horrible?  I am disgusted and ashamed of this belief.  It was brought to light during my counseling session yesterday and I chose to blog about it as a form of confession.  I don't want to believe that.  In believing that, I am essentially choosing to not believe so many of God's attributes and promises that He has given us.  

Lord, please rescue me from my unbelief.  I want to believe.  I want to know You and trust You and long to share everything with You.