The Fall

Well, I've been meaning to blog all week to help me sort out some thoughts, but due to busyness and a tired brain, haven't yet.  So this post about The Fall (our second week at The Storyformed Life), will be long because it seems that all I've been dealing with all comes back to The Fall.

Last Tuesday I had a counseling session - a really good one.  I have been struggling again with my identity and I realize that when I am confused about what that is, I often find my identity through other sources.  That always fails me.  I need to figure out who I am and as a human being, that is a creation of God.  As a believer in Jesus Christ, I am a daughter of the king, a coheir with Christ.  But I am struggling to believe and understand that.  

That is one of the great things about the timing of taking the SFL class.  It is getting me back to the basics.

This past week was a doozy though.  We talked about The Fall.  And I realized that I've been depressed ever since.  Our assignments are always to go home, reflect on what we've learned, and where our belief about that aspect of God's story fits.  Well this week, I can't get away from reflecting on the fall.  It is literally and figuratively, EVERYWHERE.  I live in a sinful, fallen world and I can't get a moment's respite from that because I am sinful too.

I learned so much about the Fall this time - more than I've ever understood before.  For instance, Adam & Eve's eyes weren't opened until AFTER Adam tasted the fruit.  Eve tasted it, but her eyes weren't open until Adam did.  So often, people talk about Eve's fault, blah, blah, blah.  Eve was deceived by the serpent.  She was wrong - but she was deceived.  Adam however, wasn't deceived.  He chose to eat of the fruit without deception or coercion.  We talked a lot about Jesus as the 2nd Adam and how he had to come to do it right.  But that is a topic for another time - one that requires more study on my part.

After they ate the fruit, they were ashamed of their nakedness and hid.  God found them, but instead of leaping into the punishment, He asked them what had happened.  I think this shows His mercy.  He gave them a chance to 'fess up and repent.  But they blame-shifted.  I wonder if the punishment would've been a little different if they confessed and accepted responsibility?

But I digress...

The world we live in is a result of that human disobedience.  These are some of the things from the last week of my life (both big and small) - that would be different if we still lived in the garden:

My dad wouldn't be sick.  I wouldn't have to wonder how much more time I have with him or if Sam will remember him or if any future children I have will get to meet him.

Infertility, which has reeked havoc on so many of those I care about - wouldn't be an issue.  God called us in Genesis 1:28 to be fruitful and increase in number.  Without the fall, we wouldn't have had trouble.

Our friend, and so many others like him, wouldn't have to struggle so much to find meaning and purpose in a job.  So many of us wouldn't have to worry about finances or how to make ends meet.

That dreaded Aunt Flo would be no 'mo!

I was reading a Compassion International magazine about the current global food crisis.  There was a picture of hands holding corn kernels and the article was describing how families can no longer afford corn.  This was a sharp contrast to last Saturday when I was at the Pumpkin Patch watching kids play in a giant sandbox filled with corn kernels.  How many families would that have fed and for how long?  Children wouldn't be starving around the world.

I wouldn't always be struggling to keep my house cleaned or organized.

And the real kicker for me, the one that has me tied in knots is...

our access to God is limited.  Sure, for many of us who know Christ, we don't have barriers to God.  I don't want to in any way take away from the wonderful gift of salvation, but I have to grieve the fact that the method of intimacy with God is changed.  Adam and Eve WALKED in the garden with God.  They got to see Him and spend time in his physical presence.  They didn't have to wonder if they heard Him right, because they had audible conversations with Him.  I want that and I can't have that until heaven.

And that just plain sucks...

We are trained to distance ourselves from this story.  But we need to interact with it, to take responsibility, to grieve those consequences.  WE ARE CURSED.

One of the leaders said, "What do you think about when someone asks you - What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?"  Our answer should be The Fall.  Because by far, it is the worst thing that has happened to us.  All the other bad things, whether small or large, wouldn't be an issue if the fall hadn't happened.